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This blog entry is part of a project at Muslim Converts.org that seeks to give Muslim converts a platform to tell their raw and unedited convert stories. The series seeks to go beyond “inspirational” convert stories and focus instead on the intimate issues in the Muslim convert community that are often neglected or overlooked.

SHARING MY STORY

This is not a story about how I came to Islam. This is about what happened after, when I told my mom about my decision to become Muslim. So often when speaking about converts, we tend to focus on the process by which that person became Muslim rather than the difficult experiences she faces after her conversion.

I struggled with whether or not to share this story, for fear of embarrassing my mom or talking negatively about her. She is my mom and, despite the pain I may have experienced the day I told her about my decision, she also experienced pain. But I think it is extremely important for other Muslim converts to hear such stories about talking to parents about becoming Muslim.

THE DAY I CALLED MY MOM

I was living halfway across the country when I converted and I knew I wouldn’t be able to visit my family for several months. So I knew I would have to tell my mom about my conversion over the phone.

The day I called my mom to tell her, I was terrified. My stomach was in knots, my throat was dry, my heart was racing. I was anxious to talk to my mom and I had never had this feeling before. My mom has always been the one I cried out for when I was sick. My mom has always been the first person I turned to in times of heartbreak. My mom has always been the first person I called to share good news, whether big or small. But this was different because as indescribably happy as I was about my new life, I knew that my phone call would cause her an indescribable amount of pain. This was one moment in my life, the most important moment in my life, which I knew I would not be able to share with my mom.

It has been a year now since the call. I can remember trying to put it off by prefacing my news with mundane conversation. Finally, I worked up the courage to tell her my story. I told her that after 5 years of studying Islam, I went to the mosque with my three best friends and I made the declaration to be Muslim. I explained to her what the shahadah meant: “There is no God, but God and Muhammad is his Messenger.” I tried to make it easy for her. But all of this was stopped quickly as I heard her quietly crying on the other end of the phone. I can think of very few things that are worse to me than hearing my mom cry. She asked if she could call me back. I said yes.

She hung up the phone and I waited.

She didn’t call back.

I waited 30 minutes.

She didn’t call.

I waited another hour.

She didn’t call.

Later on I received an email from her. My stomach sank as I read her words over and over again. She told me that I had made a big mistake. But I am finally content. She told me that she could never be happy for me. I didn’t ask her to be. She told me that my family couldn’t be happy for me. I didn’t expect them to be. That when I got married, she did not see how she would be able to celebrate. How could she say such an awful thing? That she felt like she was saying goodbye to the daughter she knew. It’s still me, mom. She told me that she loved me, but that she could not talk to me now and definitely not about this.

At least a week went by before I talked to anyone in my family. I talked to my dad. I couldn’t face my mom yet after that message. I told him how much her message hurt me. I think he talked to her about it because my mom called me several days later and we talked. But not about this. I still haven’t been able to tell her how deeply her message hurt me. I don’t think I’ll ever have that conversation with her; it’s not worth it to upset her again.

ONE YEAR LATER

A year has passed and, Alhamdulillah, my mom and I talk on the phone all the time. Our relationship may even be stronger than before. It has taken a lot of understanding on both of our ends. When I went home to visit recently, my mom gave me a prayer rug she had stored away which was given to her 30 years ago. And when I visited during Christmas, my mom went with me to a halal shop to buy some meat. I am very blessed and I know that many (perhaps most) Muslim converts will not be so blessed as to experience these moments. But it is also not easy. I don’t think my mom will ever be happy for me. I feel there will always be a disconnect. So I cherish the unexpected moments when my mom is willing enough to open her heart and share in my life in the small ways that she can. Alhamdulillah for this.

–

The writer is a 24 year-old graduate student. She was raised in a Caucasian, Christian household by a hard-working middle class family. 

Thus far, we have published 40 articles for Muslim converts to Islam.

For more information about the site, please visit the About Us page.

Thus far, we have published 40 articles for Muslim converts.

For more information about the site, please visit the About Us page.

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Ta’leef Collective has put together this superbly-produced video of Shawn, who not only talks about his convert story, but delves deeply into the struggles he faced — and continues to face — as a convert to Islam.

We like this video because it’s real and authentic. Shawn accurately captures the reality that becoming a Muslim and the inculcation of Islamic principles into your life is a “confusing” process that takes time. Before becoming Muslim, Shawn says that his understanding of Islam was that it required “complete submission and relinquishing everything in the world” and “that I had to give up everything about myself.” Not so. Usama Canon, a brilliant Muslim leader and Founding Director of Ta’leef Collective, tries to dispel this common misconception of instant perfection that many existing Muslims often project unnecessarily onto new Muslims:

“That’s one of the mistakes that we’ve made, is we’ve created illusions of grandeur in our community. Like you have to be a superhero, that it’s not enough to be Muslim. Being Muslim is a miracle! If you can be upright, eat right, not lie, not cheat, do good by your family, raise a family, especially in this age, that’s miraculous. That’s grand.”

Shawn goes on to describe his relationship with his wife and child and explains how there are many unsettled questions that he continues to grapple with as a convert to Islam. That’s precisely the attitude we want to encourage in you as a new Muslim convert. Don’t ever be afraid to ask questions. As Usama Canon explains:

“We’re taught in our tradition that asking questions is half of knowledge.”

Don’t be afraid to ask questions! Your doubt is a perfectly normal and healthy part of your God-given nature as a human being, so don’t run away from it, but embrace it. Have faith that if Islam is indeed the truth, then the truth will always prevail regardless of the scrutiny you subject it to.

In the Qur’an, we learn that even the angels in heaven asked questions when God made the decision to appoint human beings as caretakers of the Earth. Read for yourself:

“And so it was that your Lord said to the angels, ‘I’m going to place a caretaker on the Earth.’ But then they asked, ‘Are You going to put someone there who’s going to cause chaos and disorder and bloodshed, while we magnify your praise and extol your holiness?’ (God answered them), saying, ‘I know what you know not.’” (Quran 2:30).

Enjoy the video.

‘SHAWN’S STORY’ :: Ta’Leef Files from Mustafa Davis on Vimeo.

By the way, Ta’leef Collective is one of the best Muslim organizations in North America, period. Based out of California, it was created to address the needs of new Muslims and disengaged young Muslims. Ta’leef Collective provides the invaluable in-person, one-on-one support for Muslim converts that no website could ever provide. We pray that the Most High continues to provide Ta’leef Collective with the resources to continue their incredible work. Be sure to check out their website.

Related articles

• The Day I Told My Mom I Was Muslim (muslimconverts.org)

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Johnny Nelson from the BBC considers why a growing number of white Europeans — specifically men — are converting to Islam.

We’ve included this story on Muslim Converts.org because it’s been well documented that a strong majority of converts to Islam are women (The Daily Mail reports that the “average convert is 27-year old white woman”). Thus, it becomes interesting to hear the male perspective from Muslim converts.

Three white male Muslim converts from Leeds, United Kingdom are featured in the video — Paul Martin, Jeremy Rowland, and Abdullah Hamzah

The reporter, Johnny Nelson, begins by making describing Paul’s conversion to Islam that may describe your own experience:

“It’s been a spiritual and physical journey that’s challenged the very core of relationships with friends and family.”

Paul goes on to describe the difficulty he has had with reconciling his social life before and after becoming Muslim. Reporter Johnny Nelson asks, “What about the things you’ve given up, before this like, going out drinking? Going out with the mates? Having girlfriends? What about the things you’ve let go? Do you not thing about those things?” Paul responds that this has been “one of the harder things” to manage, along with his struggle to manage family relations, including the relationship with his mother, who is also interviewed.

The report then moves on to Abdullah Hamzah, who says that most of the difficulty he has received has actually been from within the Muslim community. This is an unfortunately reality that many Muslim converts have to face due to the narrow-mindedness and lack of compassion of many existing Muslims. Abdullah explains:

“In my experience, I’ve had more prejudice, more problems from Muslims than non-Muslims. I hate to say it, but because of my color, my ethnicity, because I’m look upon as a second-class Muslim — as a convert. Suspicion, I’ve even been accused of being a CIA agent.”

Abdullah’s testimony is far too common an occurrence, and may reflect your own experiences with the Muslim community. There is no doubt that many existing Muslims have made life difficult for converts, who are going through a vulnerable and testing time in their lives that requires nothing less than the full love, forgiveness, gentleness, and support from the Muslim community – the same qualities with which the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, dealt with the people in his life:

“So, by the mercy of Allah, O Muhammad, you were gentle with them — and had you been harsh or hard-hearted, they would have left you. So overlook over their faults, and ask forgiveness for them” (Quran 3:159).

Enjoy the video.

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Khutbah MP3: “Seizing Your Opportunities”

Check out this local news story from FOX Chicago about three Chicago residents who became Muslim.

“A holiday [that commemorates] the independence of a country is not a [religious] holiday. The holidays which are forbidden [for Muslims] to observe are those with religious overtones, such as Christmas and Easter, not the festive gatherings people observe due to certain events. Therefore, people are allowed to celebrate wedding anniversaries, birthdays or any occasion as such celebrations are not related to religious holidays.”

Click here for the full article

“‘I always try to explain to people that I’ve converted to Islam, not to any culture. Suppression of women, honour killings or forced marriages are all cultural aberrations, not Islamic ones. Islam is also about dignity and respect for yourself and your femininity. Even in the dating game, Muslim men are very respectful. Women are cherished as mothers, too – as a Muslim woman you are not expected to do it all.’”

Click here for the full article

Photo by Rodrigo Gaya, Michigan Radio

“Rountree converted to the faith on November 17, 2006. That means she made her proclamation of faith – that there’s no God but God, and Muhammad is his prophet. That’s the first of what are called the five pillars of Islam.

Rountree says she felt like converting to Islam was something God wanted her to do.

But it definitely wasn’t something her mom wanted her to do.

“My mom completely flipped out, she said I was doing it because of guys, cause I’ve always been into Middle-Eastern or Indian-looking guys,” she says. “But I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, so she couldn’t play that card on me. And my dad said: do whatever makes you happy. Do whatever makes you think that you’ve found God.”

Rountree says her mom has come around some since then, and has even gone to a service with her at her mosque.”

Click here for the full article